By Mia Paisley, Santa Rosa Academy Student
It didn’t start out as a job for Dolores DeMartino, who is the executive director at National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Temecula Valley, which serves Lake Elsinore, Menifee, Murrieta, Sun City, Temecula, Wildomar, and Winchester. It started because a loved one was experiencing mental health challenges.
Twelve years ago, after her loved one was diagnosed with a mental health condition and was released from the hospital, DeMartino suddenly found herself navigating a whole new system of psychiatrists, therapists, and other organizations.
As a support person, DeMartino went to her first psychiatric session with her loved one; she was given information about NAMI and was told to look up the local organization. She attended a meeting in Temecula, but wondered to herself if she really belonged there.
“Actually, I left there very scared, thinking, ‘This is not me,’” DeMartino explained.
Like many families dealing with a mental illness diagnosis, she had hoped that things would be over soon. But after a couple of months, she came back again in support of her loved one.
“Let me go, see what I can learn,” she said.
From seeking help to helping others
Initially, DeMartino joined NAMI Temecula Valley as the organization’s secretary. She got promoted due to some changes in previous leadership. Though she had management skills such as those gained through managing restaurants, an airline, and dental offices, the management of a nonprofit organization was something new to her. But she took up the challenge, as she did not want to lose the organization or its help for local families.
Nowadays, NAMI Temecula Valley helps its clients find support, get education, and become aware of various resources. DeMartino understands the difficulties that families face when they first face the mental health care system.
“Parents do not know where to go; parents do not know where to turn,” she said. “We try to close that gap between the resources and the family.”
Education is yet another key element of the work of this organization. DeMartino would like to make families understand that mental health problems are illnesses rather than just behavior and choice of people.
September is Suicide Prevention Month in the USA. However, according to DeMartino, discussions of mental illness and suicide should happen much more often.
“We have to start talking about it and make it like a conversation,” she said. “Not only this month.”
Asking the question and listening to the answer
One of the myths about suicide is that if you ask somebody whether he/she thinks about killing himself/herself, you may plant that idea into his/her mind. But DeMartino wants citizens to understand that they shouldn’t be afraid to do it.
“If they have that problem, they have the idea,” she said. “It’s OK to ask.”
There is research that proves this to be correct. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, studies prove that asking a person if he/she is suicidal doesn’t cause or increase his/her suicidal thoughts.
Moreover, according to DeMartino, there are certain warning signs that might show that something is wrong with a person, such as giving up all prized possessions or starting to say goodbyes. Other warning signs include talking about dying, feeling hopeless, withdrawal, mood or behavior change, and suicide planning.
As important as asking is listening to the person who suffers.
Sometimes people try to respond to someone else’s emotional state by saying that it is all nonsense and giving him/her some reasons why the person shouldn’t feel like that. The person who is going through difficult times hears that he/she is successful, loved, and has many good things in his/her life. Of course, this kind of reaction is well meant, but as DeMartino says, it makes a person feel that his/her emotions are being ignored.
“To them, it’s real,” she said.
That’s why she advises people to listen and to confirm what the person is experiencing.
“That’s why they are afraid sometimes to talk about their feelings,” DeMartino said. “They feel that they won’t be heard, that they won’t be validated.”
Changing how communities talk about mental health
The stigma, according to DeMartino, is another one of the barriers that hinder people from seeking help. The use of terms such as “crazy” or psychiatric labels for joke purposes only can make it seem that having a mental illness is something that should be hidden.
However, throughout her 12 years as an advocate, DeMartino has also seen attitudes change for the better. DeMartino often attends school wellness activities where she has observed young people getting more comfortable talking about mental health, coping strategies, and what they can do for their friends.
In one of these recent school events, students who attended the NAMI table were asked to spin a wheel and answer questions, such as how they relax without their phone or what they would do to help a friend who feels bad.
Compared to her earlier visits to schools, there has been quite a noticeable difference.
“I think we’ve come a long way,” DeMartino said.
For DeMartino, prevention also involves making it easier to talk about emotional health before anything happens. It is common practice for families to discuss health issues that are physical, but not the mental or emotional, DeMartino added.
“Mental health is health,” DeMartino said. “Mental health is part of health.”
‘There’s always hope’
But 12 years into this process, DeMartino still finds that the person who first introduced her to NAMI gives her many of her biggest inspirations as to why this work is important. Because that person today is doing great.
In fact, that individual started speaking up about the need for their own treatment and stated that they wanted to take their medication because they knew it was helping them feel better. It was a moment DeMartino had been waiting for many years.
She has had the pleasure of seeing first-hand many examples of recovery from her community activism efforts, which include stories from individuals who have suffered from mental illnesses, homelessness, and substance abuse and then were able to recover.
That is the kind of experience she wants to convey through her message.
“Educate yourself,” DeMartino said. “Always have hope. It will take a long time, but there is always hope.”
DeMartino admits that even though there are still many gaps in the system, especially when people try to find help after a crisis or a hospitalization, she knows what recovery looks like 12 years into her first NAMI group.
And her message to all the people out there who are struggling and their families is simple: Educate yourselves, be open minded, and have hope.
