A Doug's Life: The ups and downs of communication

Commentary by Menifee 24/7 Editor Doug Spoon

Communication.

It’s a word that takes so many forms and can bring about such different results. When it’s lacking, that’s bad. When it’s misused, that’s very bad.

When communication is good, it can have great results. Too bad we fail to remember that so often in our daily lives.

I was thinking about this the other day as I stared at my phone. Yes staring, not so much reading. Working my thumb muscle as I scrolled through to see if a particular headline or photo caught my eye. You never know, it might be useful to know how to make a Dorito pie. And isn’t it interesting that cloud formations can make an obscene gesture?

It’s all nonsense, I thought, as I scrolled past a graphic of a skeleton “on hold” with a push button phone. Ninety percent of this stuff is of no use to me. So why do I spend so much time looking at it? I have a whole library of books I could be reading.

But then I might miss something.

In a book about the Revolutionary War, I read about how it took weeks or months to communicate via a letter that had to cross the Atlantic Ocean. How lucky we are to have instant communication around the world, I thought. So I immediately “jumped on my phone,” as my wife likes to put it, and scanned the universe for some form of intelligence.

Then there’s always texting. Why call someone and hear their voice when you can crank out a sentence that tries to auto correct “dedicated” to “decapitated”? Well, I reminded myself, it’s a useful tool – like email – to leave a message for someone that dings them until they decide the proper time to respond. (If it’s when you’re in the bathroom, don’t use FaceTime).

What about TV? I can turn on the local news and almost be assured of a car chase that will keep me busy for 10 or 15 minutes. Or I can watch a re-run of “Seinfeld” for the 10th time. Surely that won’t kill off too many brain cells.

Is there really much value to the communication in my life, I wonder? But wait a minute, I’m in the business of communication. People read what I write to stay informed (or so I have convinced myself). And to stay informed, I have to swim in the same pool of communication as everyone else. You know … Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.

And there’s always the online comments. Ah, the comments. What a way to remind myself that there are people with more time to waste than I have. Hey, it’s good for a laugh sometimes.

I finally decided that it’s all a matter of choice. We have all this technology available to us, and most of it can be put to good use if we choose to do so. That means limiting the scan time on our phones to a minimum rather than feeding our brain with minutiae. It means knowing when to send a message that will have a positive effect and when to avoid the temptation to create a negative one.

But perhaps most of all, it means opening up to others for meaningful conversation, either over the phone or face to face. Parents, when was the last time you had a really meaningful conversation with your children, and vice versa? It worked in civilizations for centuries. We shouldn’t be afraid to open up our feelings to those who are special in our lives, and to be a good listener when someone obviously needs to talk.

And sometimes it’s the little conversations that have the most impact.

The other day, my 4-year-old granddaughter Remi wanted to ride with me to the grocery store. She was happy to climb into the “weasel seat”, which is what I call the booster seat for the little weasels in my life. (OK, so I’ve given the word my own special meaning. It sounds good, and they like it.)

As we pulled away from the house, Remi asked, “When am I gonna be a grownup?”

I gave the question a lot more thought than the questions like “What’s for dinner?” that I read all the time online. Suddenly, this was serious business. I told Remi it would be a while and that she shouldn’t be in a hurry to get there.

Her response: “Well, next time you can be the kid and I’ll be the grownup and I can drive us to the store.”

You know, that was the best conversation I had all day.